w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"Peace with my stomach the sky is inside her
Open the window to let her breathe
Patch up the scars with some cardboard and karma
Trust this is far beyond what I need
Turn around to eat for I will
Blind myself to joyfully kill
One dozen wicked words to find
I know we'll start again sometimes."

Longpigs: "Dozen wicked words"
From the album: "The sun is often out"

So Buddy and I went here again (with what's becoming a traditional pizza meal to see us through the evening session - ta, matey) and were again very glad we'd made the effort.

Terence Stamp introduced the proceedings, with "I'm not a good scuba diver. My (younger) wife is. She's now into free-diving. (long pause) I may lose her..."

Rick Stanton was announced as "a troglodyte who's been deeper in Wookey Hole than Harrison Ford in the gay re-make of Star Wars" and proceeded to improvise during his talk as the slide/video show gremlins struck. The guy's a mentallist, though, because he's not formally scuba-trained but spends weekends underground and in water "not knowing, literally, what's around the next bend, how deep, up or down, whether it's a dead end or not?" And lugging 120kg of kit. Not for the faint-hearted.

Frank Gardner was genuinely un-selfconscious about his disability and drew a graphic image of himself standing (neutrally buoyant) on the deck of the Thistlegorm "in my Leonardo DiCaprio moment."

Monty Halls was his usual, natural comedic self and had taken the time to video the cameramen who filmed his "Great Ocean Adventures Two" ("a title brilliantly created by Peregrine and Tarquin in full creative flow").

The best clip was of a 14' saltwater crocodile, which they decided to film using a shark cage. Trouble is, salties are very flat compared to sharks and it is possible (as we saw) for them to get their gobs three feet into the cage - cue mayhem amongst the snappers!

A great evening - capped by seeing Tony, who taught us both to scuba-dive and who is a mate of Rick Stanton. Lookin' good, Tony!

Enjoy your weekends, y'all.

Labels: scuba

Today's lyric:
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"I'll meet'ya on a bus at dawn - an open top one if it's warm?
And if the flowers are in bloom, I'll lose myself to you.
I'll be whistling down a street - you'll hear our footsteps start to meet?
Then the craziness begins
An' like chalk and cheese, we'll shoot the breeze
Heading up west - in an open top deck
Trying to remember just what for..."
Paul Weller: "Clues"
From the album: "Paul Weller"

as to where buddy and I are going to again tonight...

Labels: scuba

Today's lyric:
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"And when the roses are half-bud soft flowers
And lovely as the king of flies has come
It was a fleeting visit, all too brief
In three short minutes, he had been and gone

He rested there upon an apple leaf
A gorgeous opal crown sat on his head
Although the garden is a lovely place
Was it worthy of so fine a guest?"

Fleetwood Mac: "Dragon Fly"
From the album: "The very best of (Peter Green's) Fleetwood Mac"

I had to seriously refrain from putting up Queen's lyrics to accompany today's post, but thought NiC might appreciate this one instead?

As a trainee sport* diver, you're taught a certain amount about physics, chemistry and biology. Enough to make you understand the physiological effects of being under water and keep you out of trouble while there.

In the late 19th century, the father and son team of JS and JBS Haldane did a lot of research into the effects of pressure on the human body, primarily to help understand the illnesses suffered by submariners and divers during the early days of those occupations.

The table that they produced - which (still) works today - allows you to calculate the safe time to stay underwater and at what depth. Perhaps even more importantly - for those of us of the "let's do that again" mentality, it lets you calculate when you can next sink yourself beneath the surface. Inevitably, wrist-mounted computers now use algorithms to follow your every vertical movement at depth and tell you when to Get back up here!, but a fundamental understanding of the principles may save your life in the event of computer failure.

According to the entertainingly-researched book by Bill Bryson (over there, on the right) the Haldanes experimented on each other - often to the point of achieving unconsciousness - but also roped in friends and family:

"Sent on a simulated descent, his wife once had a fit that lasted thirteen minutes. When at last she stopped bouncing across the floor, she was helped to her feet and sent home to cook dinner."

What a guy!

* Being also of the nerdy persuasion, I differentiate between someone who dives for the fun of it and commercial - so-called 'deep sea' divers - for whom it's a living.

It's the same for anglers - who fish with rod and line, and fishermen, who go trawling. The result's the same, but one gets paid for it.

And yes, I know it's unseasonably warm, but thought you might like some snowflakery?

Labels: scuba

Today's lyric:

"I bought a lot of brandy, when I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make 'er randy, and all I 'ad was shandy
Anuvver fing wiv Sandy, which of'en came in 'andy
Was passin' 'er a mandy - she di'en 'alf go bandy."

Ian Dury and the Blockheads: "Billericay Dickie"
From the album: "New boots and panties"

Yesterday evening, Buddy and I were hugely entertained by the London Diving Chamber's freely-given lectures at the Royal Geographic Society's beautiful building in SW7, in aid of Scuba Trust, a charity which provides scuba diving facilities for disabled people, and Shark Trust which funds research into shark conservation.

The three lecturers were superbly entertaining, and you didn't need to be a diver to appreciate their work, such was the quality of the talks. It's unlikely that any of you out there will hear these guys in action*, but just in case, here are the spoilers.

Leigh Bishop, a fireman and "techie"** diver, treated the 500+ audience to some beautiful photos of deep-water wrecks of liners such as the Lusitania (a pivotal sinking of a civilian ship, which precipitated the USA's entry into WWII) and the Britannic (the Titanic's sister ship) and others.

His photos of early diving gear - twin-sets (air bottles linked side-by-side) with 2 20-litre tanks mounted, plus a girdle of auxilliary bottles to support the 6-hour+ decompression sessions, where the potentially poisonous nitrogen seeps out of your body and avoids "the bends", had everybody gasping in amazement. The inevitable question - How do you manage to get into the water?" was explained with "Gravity-assisted chuck yourself in".

In order to provide scale to the photos of the wrecks - some in over 130 metres of water - he asks divers to give up some of their precious "bottom time" to hang off propellers etc. Having set up a shot, he was waiting (and losing valuable air/time) for a diver to oblige, only to turn around and see a whole gaggle behind him, trying to avoid spoiling the shot!

But what do you do in the several hours of underwater 'de-gassing' with no external stimulus, other than the changing of bottles as you approach the time when it's safe to surface?

** "Techie" means going beyond the normal 40m limit for recreational diving and involves mixes of gases (oxygen, nitrogen etc) in non-air percentages.

Second up was Loyd Grossman - yes, the tv foodie, and a scuba diver of some 44 years experience, believe it or not - fresh from his 16 year old daughter's parents evening, an event which he averred he'd happily trade for a snorkel trip to the Titanic!

He thanked the audience for a full attendance in support of the two charities (which he supports) and told a story of an earlier talk he'd given, where there'd been an audience of one - a woman who patiently sat through his lecture and generously applauded at the end.

After a brief chat and drink, he explained his need to get back to London. "Can't you stay a little longer?" she asked, imploringly.

So, after another drink, he again tried to make his escape.

"But I can't let you go" she pleaded. In true 'celebrity' style, he enquired why not.

"Because I'm the next speaker" she explained. Massive applause.

Finally, Monty Hall's address had the entire auditorium in stitches. I can't find any links, but his behind-the-scenes accounts of his RDF- and Channel 5-sponsored tv series "Deep Ocean Adventure" were hilarious.

In comparison to Richard Attenborough's "Blue Planet" series of eight episodes, which took five years and 7m to make, "DOA" took 60 days and 0.5m to film 40 different animals in 37 countries.

Prior to showing a beautiful video clip of manta rays - in which Buddy and I nudged each other and whispered "Done that!" he explained that the marine wildlife experts had told then how to interact with the various animals they were to encounter.

"With mantas" they said "the trick is to ignore them. On no account, rush them."

So down they went, and a manta duly turned up. And they charged it, whereupon it turned tail and finned off into the gloom. So the second time, they pretended to be filming a grouper fish when another ray appeared, looking over their shoulders as it flew gracefully past, and finned off into the gloom. "Bu99er" was the general response.

But it re-appeared, and according to Monty, asked wtf they were doing filming a grouper, when there was a manta ray pitching up?

They were also primed to visit a woman specialist in penguins. Expecting to find a 4' scientist with webbed feet, after being 'on the road' for seven weeks they were stunned when "a vision" emerged from the hut, who politely helped them to recover their jaws from the floor, where they'd dropped.

And Monty's chat-up line? "We have a biscuit called 'Penguin' "

Never fails.

Enjoy your weekends, y'all.

* Apart from, perhaps, Witchy
btw, Witchy, I've signed up to the LDC's website, so if I get any forward notices of future events, I'll let yer know?

Labels: scuba

Today's lyric:

"Penny lane - the barber shaves another customer,
We see the banker sitting waiting for a trim.
And then the fireman rushes in
From the pouring rain. Very strange!"

The Beatles: "Penny Lane"
From the album: "Sgt. Pepper's"

Buddy and I are going here tonight for an evening of lectures on scuba diving and are mightily looking forward to it!

Labels: scuba