w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"If you wanna know about the mad punk rockers
If you wanna know how to play guitar
If you wanna know 'bout any other suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers."

Joe Jackson: "Sunday papers"
From the album: "Look sharp"

I'm often amazed by having fully-formed 'plots' swimming in my head as I'm waking?

Bearing in mind I do have a Creative Common License down there on the right, how about this for an ad-man's pitch?

Now I know that newspapers rarely advertise themselves on tv, but this only works in a visual way. This is the storyboard for one of those papers which proclaims to be printed in ink which will not come off onto your hands:

Scene: On the tube (London Underground for the hard-of-understanding)

A row of several, seated commuters are reading identical newspapers, except for one which is - for example - the Metro.

All are wearing white gloves (except the Metro reader) and the voice-over explains that "To read our paper, you don't need to become a snooker referee (and/or join a secret society?) because the newsprint doesn't come off on your hands."

"So when you've finished reading, you're free to do whatever you want."

Cut to the Metro reader, rummaging in his ear with a finger

Second cut to the man, with a finger fast approaching a nostril..

Pan to a view through the man's eyes of a lovely, strap-hanging girl, reading a newspaper - a very cute bottom accentuated by a very clingy dress

The camera focusses on the man's hand stretching out, just as the lights flicker momentarily - as they do on the tube - and the sound of a smack.

Cue lights coming back on - the camera returning to the man's face in profile, with a full, inky handprint on his cheek and a very embarrassed expression.

Now what would make a good, closing ad-phrase?

Answers in the Commenty box, please...