w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"The biggest wheels of industry
Retire sharp and short
And the after dinner overtures
Are nothing but an after thought
Somebody's creeping in the kitchen
There's a reputation to be made
Whose nerves are always on a knife's edge
Who's up late polishing the blade."

Elvis Costello: "Man out of time"
From the album: "The Very Best Of"

Dave was coming to the end of a successful interview with a new employer when the boss said "So, tell me something about yourself that has nothing to do with your job application."
Dave thought for a moment, then said "I know pretty much everyone in the world?"
"Oh come on" said the boss. "I'm just about to offer you the job and you come up with rubbish like that?"
"No" said Dave. "Name someone and I'll know them."
"Ok - Tom Cruise" said the boss.
"Yep, known him for years" replied Dave.
"Right" said the boss, knowing how to call his bluff. "I'm just about to fly to L.A. on a business trip. How about you come with me, we'll just knock on Mr Cruise's door and we'll prove you're lying?"
So they did, and when they rang the bell, Tom himself answered the door and screamed "Dave! Is it really you? I can't believe it, after all these years you've finally accepted my invitation to come here."
And they all spent a pleasant afternoon at the mansion.

"Ok" said the boss when they left. "That may have been a fluke, me choosing Tom Cruise. How many presidents of the USA do you know, then?"
"Which Bush do you want to meet?" asked Dave.
"Senior" said the boss, calling his tune.
"Yep, he played golf with my grandad" said Dave. "He was always round our house."

So they knocked on the door of President Bush Snr and were greeted with "My God, we were just talking about playing golf with your grandad, Dave. Come in and have a drink with us."
And they all spent a pleasant afternoon at the Bush's home.

But still the boss wasn't totally convinced.
"What about the Pope?" he asked Dave.
"Well, I can't guarantee to get you into the Vatican, security's pretty tight these days. But yes, we're good mates."

So they fly to Rome and Dave leaves the boss in St Peter's Square while he nips round the back of the Vatican.
A few minutes later, Dave and the Pope appear on the balcony, arms draped round each other and the Pope dispensing papal blessings with his free right hand. The crowd go wild.

When Dave gets back to where he left his boss, the poor man's fainted and is being brought round with smelling salts.

"That impressed, eh?" smirked Dave.

"Well" said the boss eventually. "It wasn't that you knew the Pope, but when you came out onto the balcony, the bloke next to me asked "Who's the guy with the pointy hat with his arm draped round Dave?"

Labels: Laughage