w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"Please now brother don't you ride this train
Ride the wrong rails, live your life in vain ."

Savoy Brown: "Train to nowhere"
From the album: "The Collection"

The tortie kitten was nowhere to be found yesterday morning. We found her behind the firescreen (camouflaged against the firewall) coated in soot and peering intently up the chimney.

So we quickly cleaned her up and looked forward to coming home in the evening and cleaning up the mess properly.

When I got in, Mrs.D. said I'd have the pleasant job of removing the corpse of the bird what had caused the damage.

So I changed out of shirt and tie into shorts and t-shirt and rigged up a lamp to see where the bu99er was.

And it turned to look at me.

One dehydrated and sorry-looking pigeon.

The RSPCA lady was an hour away, so suggested "we" try to get it out ourselves?

So to protect my injured thumb*, I donned garden gloves and stuffed my arms up t'chimney.

The pigeon weren't happy about being accosted by the feet and flapped three tons of soot over me and the lounge. B@st@rd.

I placed it carefully on the lawn, where it sat stupidly, black- and pigeon-coloured.

The RSPCA lady said she would come and collect it anyway, if it was too traumatised to make its own escape, so could we box it up ready for her to pick up?

So - still without any tea in me, we carefully lined a box with newspaper and took it to the dumbass bird for ease of transport.

Whereupon it did a vertical take-off and flew into the adjoining woods, trailing a wake of soot.

Looking down, so was I. I had the appearance of that now-banned icon off the jam-jars. You know - blackened face, knees and the gap between the gloves and my t-shirt sleeves looking like a trainee tattooist's first attempt at colouring in.

The RSPCA lady pi55ed herself at the mental image of me.

I hate pigeons. Tea was taken somewhat after 9:00 p.m. After soot and sh1t was hoovered up, washed down, the TV, stereo speakers, mantlepiece and ornaments wiped or polished and the three piece sponged off.

Enjoy your weekends, y'all..

* that's a whole other story and there will not be pictures

Labels: Pigeonage, Sootage