w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and moustaches."

Greek Maria: "My Favourite Things"
From the album: "The Sound of Music"

I love my life as a urologist. Taking the pi55 out of people is a fine and noble sport..

Now - this is not one of my recent, vivid dreams, so tighten your sphincters, folks. Last night, I looked up a bloke's arse.

We had just finished dinner. Well, I'd eaten a plate of solid food and Mrs. D had just consumed her customary bowl of gruel. She eats like that famous actress Reese, with a spoon?

Trapped by a full belly and a tea-tray, I was unable to reach the remote and switch over the programme that burst - with no warning - onto the screen. It was called "Embarrassing Ailments" (or something).

Some 55-year old mush entered a tv quack's studio - sorry, surgery - and disclosed a propensity towards piles.

"And how long have you had them?" asked the solicitous tv quack.

"Since my teens" disclosed the moron.

cue well-rehearsed raising of medical eyebrows

"And why have you decided to come and see me now? after a third of a century of suffering

"They itch."

AFTER 35 YEARS! NO SH1T, SHERLOCK!

So the bloke drops his kaks and lays on his side, whereupon the camera - and with no "If you don't want to see the result, look away now" enjoinder - switches to the other side, to find white-coated matey inspecting the black hole of wherever with a flashlight.

I wonder if I can claim off the insurance for chilli stains to the carpet, because it didn't come with a barf-proof coating?

Enjoy your weekends, y'all.

Labels: Barf-generating tv