w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:

"I bought a lot of brandy, when I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make 'er randy, and all I 'ad was shandy
Anuvver fing wiv Sandy, which of'en came in 'andy
Was passin' 'er a mandy - she di'en 'alf go bandy."

Ian Dury and the Blockheads: "Billericay Dickie"
From the album: "New boots and panties"

Yesterday evening, Buddy and I were hugely entertained by the London Diving Chamber's freely-given lectures at the Royal Geographic Society's beautiful building in SW7, in aid of Scuba Trust, a charity which provides scuba diving facilities for disabled people, and Shark Trust which funds research into shark conservation.

The three lecturers were superbly entertaining, and you didn't need to be a diver to appreciate their work, such was the quality of the talks. It's unlikely that any of you out there will hear these guys in action*, but just in case, here are the spoilers.

Leigh Bishop, a fireman and "techie"** diver, treated the 500+ audience to some beautiful photos of deep-water wrecks of liners such as the Lusitania (a pivotal sinking of a civilian ship, which precipitated the USA's entry into WWII) and the Britannic (the Titanic's sister ship) and others.

His photos of early diving gear - twin-sets (air bottles linked side-by-side) with 2 20-litre tanks mounted, plus a girdle of auxilliary bottles to support the 6-hour+ decompression sessions, where the potentially poisonous nitrogen seeps out of your body and avoids "the bends", had everybody gasping in amazement. The inevitable question - How do you manage to get into the water?" was explained with "Gravity-assisted chuck yourself in".

In order to provide scale to the photos of the wrecks - some in over 130 metres of water - he asks divers to give up some of their precious "bottom time" to hang off propellers etc. Having set up a shot, he was waiting (and losing valuable air/time) for a diver to oblige, only to turn around and see a whole gaggle behind him, trying to avoid spoiling the shot!

But what do you do in the several hours of underwater 'de-gassing' with no external stimulus, other than the changing of bottles as you approach the time when it's safe to surface?

** "Techie" means going beyond the normal 40m limit for recreational diving and involves mixes of gases (oxygen, nitrogen etc) in non-air percentages.

Second up was Loyd Grossman - yes, the tv foodie, and a scuba diver of some 44 years experience, believe it or not - fresh from his 16 year old daughter's parents evening, an event which he averred he'd happily trade for a snorkel trip to the Titanic!

He thanked the audience for a full attendance in support of the two charities (which he supports) and told a story of an earlier talk he'd given, where there'd been an audience of one - a woman who patiently sat through his lecture and generously applauded at the end.

After a brief chat and drink, he explained his need to get back to London. "Can't you stay a little longer?" she asked, imploringly.

So, after another drink, he again tried to make his escape.

"But I can't let you go" she pleaded. In true 'celebrity' style, he enquired why not.

"Because I'm the next speaker" she explained. Massive applause.

Finally, Monty Hall's address had the entire auditorium in stitches. I can't find any links, but his behind-the-scenes accounts of his RDF- and Channel 5-sponsored tv series "Deep Ocean Adventure" were hilarious.

In comparison to Richard Attenborough's "Blue Planet" series of eight episodes, which took five years and 7m to make, "DOA" took 60 days and 0.5m to film 40 different animals in 37 countries.

Prior to showing a beautiful video clip of manta rays - in which Buddy and I nudged each other and whispered "Done that!" he explained that the marine wildlife experts had told then how to interact with the various animals they were to encounter.

"With mantas" they said "the trick is to ignore them. On no account, rush them."

So down they went, and a manta duly turned up. And they charged it, whereupon it turned tail and finned off into the gloom. So the second time, they pretended to be filming a grouper fish when another ray appeared, looking over their shoulders as it flew gracefully past, and finned off into the gloom. "Bu99er" was the general response.

But it re-appeared, and according to Monty, asked wtf they were doing filming a grouper, when there was a manta ray pitching up?

They were also primed to visit a woman specialist in penguins. Expecting to find a 4' scientist with webbed feet, after being 'on the road' for seven weeks they were stunned when "a vision" emerged from the hut, who politely helped them to recover their jaws from the floor, where they'd dropped.

And Monty's chat-up line? "We have a biscuit called 'Penguin' "

Never fails.

Enjoy your weekends, y'all.

* Apart from, perhaps, Witchy
btw, Witchy, I've signed up to the LDC's website, so if I get any forward notices of future events, I'll let yer know?

Labels: scuba