w.atching the w.orld unw.ind

Today's lyric:
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"Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone."

The Beatles: "Lucy in the sky with diamonds"
From the album: "1"

Said Simple Simon* to the SkyMan
"What have you got there?"
"It's the Sky+ box you ordered, Dumb-ass!"

I waited the recommended "few hours" before trying out the record/pause function, which didn't seem to work, so vacuumed up the brickdust thoughtfully left behind the tv? and re-rigged the box through the surround-sound - not with phono plugs as suggested by His Numptiness, but by simply plugging the VCR scart into the relevant port. And set out to mow the lawns. And picked up the old tranceiver** which Mr Sky Engineer had hacked off and left abandoned in the side entrance.

"I'll dispose of that, then, shall I?"

Some more hours later, Pausing and Recording generated an on-screen message to 'Phone this number to upgrade to Sky+'

Er, but I'm looking at the new box, right now?

"I'm really sorry" said the lovely (UK-based call centre) lady - "all we seem to have done is renew your Sky subscription, not upgrade it. Give it a day or two to kick in."

Harrrummmph.

But the (free) replacement of the BT Home Hub went swimmingly well and smoothly. Made damn all difference to the download times (to be expected, when the pipe's only a half meg and we're furthest from the exchange) but it's new?

* Me
** whatever that thing's called that points at the satellite dish?

Labels: Sky+age

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"Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore."

Paul Simon: "You can call me Al"
From the album: "Graceland"

When you discover - for the umpteenth time - that your Alzheimer'd Ma has again turned off the hot water system "maybe a few days ago", there is no alternative than to trek out to B&Q, buy a rabbit latch and padlock and seal the cupboard up.

Then stand back to admire your carpentry skills and think "What the fcuk are we doing here?"

It's a worry, I tell 'ee...

Labels: dementiage

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"He's acting innocent and proud - still you know what he's after?
Like a matador with his pork sword, while we all die of laughter
In his turquoise pyjamas and motorcycle hat
I hope you're happy now because you'll soon put paid to that
I knew then what I know now. I never loved you anyhow
And I hope you're happy now?"

Elvis Costello: "I hope you're happy now"
From the album: "Blood & Chocolate"

Ok, let's raise a few hackles here...

Mousey, lacklustre hair, pushed back from a wide, high-browed forehead.

Dulled eyes, split by a tomahawk of a nose, casting a shadow over a nail of a mouth, which gives you latte-coloured, Freddie Mercury teeth.

Dislaughter lines spanning a nondescript chin, the whole, totally devoid of any attempt at enhancement.

She may as well have had "Munter" tattoo'd across that expanse of forehead..

At my most basic, Neanderthal level, I thought 'I hope you bang like a barn door in a blizzard, or there won't be much fun in this life for you?'

Then I clocked the engagement ring. So there is someone for everyone, then?

Following on from fil's recent death - Mrs.D is still as raw as - Ma gets the result of her dementia scan on Friday, Dad's just been diagnosed with macular degeneration, my sister-in-law's horse (used in her riding school) has been diagnosed with laminitis (equine diabetes), our niece is not at her best since the premature birth of our great-nephew and Ol Sparky's mum died yesterday.

Just what else can go wrong with our little worlds?

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"And all my boys will play along
Even if they don't like the song
Even if the progression's wrong
Wake us up from a sleep
Comin' up from the deep."

The Tubes: "Coming up from the deep"
From the album: "The Tubes"

So after only an eighteen-month gap, we managed to get some 'bottom time*' on Saturday, here

Having unloaded all the gear and parked the car, we kitted up the bcd's and tanks, then started to get the wetsuits on, when I realised we were a tad light?

"Where are the weight belts, Buddy1?" I asked.

He pondered for a nanosecond. "In the shed!"

"£()k!

It was worth it in the end, though. Hope you enjoyed your bhw?

* it means time spent underwater - nothing of a secksual nature.

Labels: divage

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"I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know."

Rod Stewart: "The first cut is the deepest"
From the album: "The Greatest Hits"

That must go down in history as the latest in the year I've mowed the lawns.

What with all that's been kicking off during the last two months, either we've not been around to do outside sweepy hoovy or the eweather's been agin' us.

But now the 'grass on mud' that passes for a lawn is all strimmby and neat, so bring on the sun!

Oh, and Ma does have a brain. The scan found one.

Just have to wait to find out what's going on inside now?

Labels: Lawnage

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"Another day goes passin' by
I sit alone and wonder why?
Sometimes it's hard, but I will try
To live my life without you."

Gary Moore: "Nothin's the same"
From the album: "After Hours"

It's certainly been an unreal week.

But now the date for the cremation is set, the obituary notices have been mulled over, dictated and sent for print. Photos for the Order of Service have been scrutinised, selected and sent for scanning.

Cars have been booked. (Yes, f.i.l., there will be more than one motor following your hearse - and I'm bloody paying for it, so shut your noise!)

So no more solemnity around here, if you please.

Enjoy your bhw's, y'all - we're gonna enjoy ours!

Labels: EndOfTears

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"Past the kids who gather there
Pain masked by narcotic stares
But no-one really cares."

Levellers: "Julie"
From the album: "One way of life"

"Mine eyes are full of tears, I cannot see.
And yet salt water blinds them not so much
But they can see a sort of traitors here
Nay, if I turn my eyes upon myself
I find myself a traitor with the rest."

Shakespeare: King Richard II

Friday night is always "chill out" night chez Mr.D.

This last Friday was also payday, so a delivered takeaway and a couple of bottles of red. Set right up for the weekend.

And then at 23:45, the 'phone call to say that father-in-law had been taken into hospital and was on full oxygen.

Unable to drive because we'd both been drinking, a taxi flew us the 60 miles to the hospital via a cashpoint and we spent the night in vigil with him. I have never seen such a haunted, hunted expression on a man. But by his own, earlier admission, he'd brought the lung cancer on himself and had no self-pity.

He hated the full facemask which was pumping clean gas into him, pushing out the carbon dioxide that bronchial pneumonia was causing to build up in the untumoured lung. But throughout the night, we made him wear it and watched the sats come back up to normal. Staring at the monitor, I nearly had a heart attack myself when the damn thing flatlined, but he'd just pulled off the finger stall connecting him to the box.

And so when, at 7:00 a.m. he was demanding tea (he must have been gagging after several hours of dry air) we decided that we'd been awake for 25 hours and needed to kip.

A lift home (I couldn't have driven six miles, let alone sixty) ensured we were back in time to have the Cooper's windscreen replaced in bright sunshine, so that the bonding would set reasonably quickly. And the prospect of a few hours sleep.

Except that another call told us that f.i.l had relapsed and could we get back quickly?

Gathering NOD and NOS to us, we hurtled back for the second time in a day, to get ten minutes away from the hospital but too late. 48 hours with virtually no sleep is not conducive to blogging, so sorry if you've been calling by for nowt.

The music for the funeral is likely to be Elgar's "Nimrod", Elaine Paige's "Memory" and Al Jolson's "My Mammy" (because he used to sing it for the kids). That'll raise a much-needed smile.

But the good news is that Ma's finally got a date for her brain scan for dementia.

Did I say good news?